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Funny Movie Quotes N-S
Napoleon Dynamite
Release Date: 8/27/2004
Rated PG
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
 Napoleon Dynamite: So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?
 Pedro: Yes.
Napoleon Dynamite: So, you got my back and everything, right?
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Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
 Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!
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Napoleon Dynamite: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
 Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me
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Uncle Rico: So what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon Dynamite: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
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Napoleon Dynamite: You know, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff.
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Napoleon Dynamite: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Pedro: Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see.
Napoleon Dynamite: I know what you mean.
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Napoleon Dynamite: [using time machine] Ow! Ow! Ow! Kill the pow... It kills! My pack! Ow! Turn it off! Turn it off, Kip!
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Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.
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Kip: I'm just really trying to raise a few bucks now so I can bring her out for a few days.
Uncle Rico: Yeah, well what does she look like?
Kip: She's uh... she's got sandy blonde hair. She's uh... pretty good looking face, but I'm just getting really... just kinda TO'd because... I mean she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet.
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Kip: Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate... I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...
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National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Release Date: 12/1/1989
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
 Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
 Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.
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Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
 Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.
Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.
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Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
 Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
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Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
 Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.
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Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
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 Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
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Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.
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 Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
Todd: I don't know, Margo!
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Eddie: Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
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Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?
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National Lampoon's Vacation
Release Date: 7/29/1983
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
Clark: Could I do your back, honey?
Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
Clark: Could I do your front?
Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.
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Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.
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Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
 Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
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 Lasky: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could put an eye out with this thing.
Lasky: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
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 Rusty Griswold: Ya' got Asteroids?
.gif) Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.
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Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.
Rusty: What happened?
Lasky: I threw up.
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Rusty Griswold: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
Clark: They used to Rusty.
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 Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.
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National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Release Date: 2/14/1997
Rated PG
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
Cousin Eddie: I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
Clark Griswold: Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.
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 Rusty: Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!
Clark Griswold: It's all part of the act, Russ.
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Clark Griswold: Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?
Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.
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Clark Griswold: Where the hell is the damn dam tour?
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Hoover Dam Guide: Welcome everyone. I am your dam guide, Arnie. Now I'm about to take you through a fully funtional power plant, so please, no one wander off the dam tour and please take all the dam pictures you want. Now are there any dam questions?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?
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Clark Griswold: No, Eddie, I need to be alone.
Cousin Eddie: Oh, oh I see, ya want me to go with ya?
Clark Griswold: Allright,come on.
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National Security
Release Date: 1/17/2003
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
 Hank: Do you actually believe the crap that comes out of your mouth?
 Earl: I'm not really sure until I'm finished talkin'.
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Earl: What the problem is?
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Earl: Your partner got killed. You lost your job. You went to jail. Your girlfriend walked. You got a job as a security guard at a hundred and eighty-two dollars a week. You know what you are, Hank? You're a black man.
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Earl: This isn't the first time I was arrested for DWB.
 Detective Frank McDuff: DWB?
Earl: Driving While Black.
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Next Friday
Release Date: 1/12/2000
Rated R
ReelLaughs.Net Grade: C
 Craig: Look, we cousins and everything, but don't be hooking me up with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister!
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 Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
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 Day-Day: Man, look at them tig o' bitties
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Day-Day: I got the BGs
Craig: What's the BGs?
Day-Day: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self
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 Pinky: C'mon, Young Blood. Don't kill me, man. I got a mothaf@#$in' girlfriend. I got a wife on the side.
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Day-Day: Fat bitches need love too, Craig!
 Roach: Fa Sho.
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 African: What the f@#$ is this? Huh? This is wack! I can't get jiggy with this shit! Where's your damn manager, that pink motherf@#$er?
Day-Day: He's not in the store right now. I'm in charge.
African: You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit. Give me back my damn money, and I don't have no damn receipt.
Day-Day: Do you have the case, sir?
African: I don't have no goddamn case! Kiss my ass, so what?
Day-Day: Can I see it sir?
Day-Day: What, were you chewing on this before you got here?
African: Bullshit, motherf@#$er! Do you know who you are f@#$ing with?
Day-Day: Bishop Desmond Tutu?
African: Try again, motherf@#$er!
Day-Day: Winnie Mandela's lil'...
African: Try again, motherf@#$er!
Day-Day: Just an ugly ass black dude.
African: I'll go *postal* in this motherf@#$er!
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Joker: No more locked doors! Gracias.
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Day-Day: Yo, Pops, I didn't know you had some bitties?
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Pinky: Looky here, baby. You're hittin' them corners too goddamn fast. You need to slow this motherf@#$er down, you understand? I almost spilled my 'yak on this $200 suit, nigger. Come on, baby, keep it together.
Pinky's Chauffeur: Yeah, whatever, motherf@#$er.
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Day Day: I just got them 20 's there.
Craig: Them ain't 20 's, but it's off the hook.
Day Day: Them are 20's. No, they tens. I bought 'em from somebody.
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Day Day: Daddy, she sprayed me!
Day Day: She sprayed a pimp, she sprayed a playa!
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Craig: Man, you straight?
Day Day: No, I ain't straight. My eyes still red?
Craig: A little bit.
Day Day: A little bit?
Craig: She f@#$ed you up.
Day Day: Can't taste nothin'. My tongue is numb. Why'd y'all let her do this shit?
Craig: It's your girl. What's up with her, man? She mean as hell.
Day Day: I met D'wana about three months ago. She had a pudge on her stomach, but I ain't pay no attention to it. I thought it came from drinkin' 40 's 'cause she had beer on her breath. Turns out she's six months pregnant. Told me I'm the baby's daddy.
Craig: What?
Day Day: Yeah.
Craig: How you gonna be the baby's daddy? You know she's lyin'.
Day Day: I broke up with D'wana two Fridays ago. I got a restraining order on her, and she don't care about that.
Craig: What?
Day Day: She got me f@#$in' up. I broke up with her two months ago, two Fridays ago...and she don't care about no restraining order or nothin'.
Craig: You all right with them pants?
Day Day: Get out of my business.
Craig: How you gonna have a restraining order on your girl? What's up with y'all? Where'd you meet her?
Day Day: I was on my way to the 'hood to buy them 20's. I mean, them tens. They're tens, but I keep 'em clean. I was on my way, and she had a Carl's Jr. burger in her hand. I wanted a piece of it, and I stopped. We got to rappin' and that's how it happened. It was the worst damn day of my life!
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Day Day: That ain't the cold part. She got a sister named Baby D. This fat bitch get physical. She sells dope, do hair and baby-sit out ofthe same house. The police don't know when to go in. I got a restraining order on her too.
Craig: You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D?
Day Day: You don't know Baby D. That's why you're lookin' at me, 'cause you don't know Baby D. Her fat ass be snoring, won't even be asleep, just standing. Little cupcakes and shit..This bitch know about all the new snacks before they even hit the street. All the bootleg snacks. Year 2000 snacks. Gonna tell me about a new Twinkie comin' out next month. It's a bad motherfucker. When you bite into a cream-filled, it shoot all over your mouth.
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Day Day : Why didn't y'all do nothin' when that fat bitch jumped on me? Y'all a trip. I'm running away from here.
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Day Day : She'll sit on your little ass. Craig gotta do it. He beat Debo ass. And he cold.
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Office Space
Old School
Only You
Orange County
Overboard
Parenthood
Pineapple Express
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Princess Bride
Pulp Fiction
Raising Arizona
Rat Race
Ringer, The
Rookie of the Year
Rundown, The
Rush Hour
Rush Hour II
Saving Silverman
Scrooged
Senseless
Shallow Hal
Short Circuit
Sneakers
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Spaceballs
Speed
Spies Like Us
Starsky and Hutch
Stealing Harvard
Stepbrothers
Strange Brew: The Adventures of Bob andDoug McKenzie
Strange Wilderness
Summer School
Superbad
Superman IV
Super Troopers
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