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Funny Movie Quotes T-Z
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Release Date: 8/4/2006
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake and bake!
 Ricky Bobby: What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
 Jean Girard: Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?
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Jean Girard: Hakuna Matata, bitches!
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 Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
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Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
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 Walker: Shut up in here I'm trying to sleep
Texas Ranger: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth
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Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
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Texas Ranger: Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
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Teen Wolf
Release Date: 8/23/1985
Rated PG
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
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 Scott Howard: Give me a keg of beer... and these.
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 Stiles: No... but I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher?
Scott Howard: Yeah?
Stiles: Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.
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 Mick: Shoot it, Fatboy.
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That Thing You Do
Release Date: 10/4/1996
Rated PG
ReelLaugh Grade: C
 Guy: Yeah, we were pretty wild up in Erie, Penn.
 Lenny: Yeah, there was this one time, we stayed up way past midnight.
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Lenny: See? You gotta be quick! You gotta be quick with me! I'm from Erie, P.A.!
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Lenny: Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen, I'm signin'! You're signin'! We're all signin'!
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Lenny Haise: So how long have you worked at Play-tone?
.gif) Receptionist: How long have you been wearing such tight paints?
Lenny Haise: Hey, if that's a pick-up line we're a match made in heaven.
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Talent Show Emcee: Hey, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?
 Heckler: You're a jerk Ken!
Talent Show Emcee: You say HEY, would you like to buy a chicken?
Heckler: Eat my shorts Ken!
Talent Show Emcee: Shut up! I'll kick your ass!
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 Mr. Patterson: Let 'em burn, let 'em burn all night!
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Mr. Patterson: Darlene, you just got promoted.
 Darlene Patterson: You mean you're gonna start paying me?
Mr. Patterson: I didn't say that.
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Three Amigos
Release Date: 12/12/1986
Rated PG
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
 Ned Nederlander,  Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!
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 Mr. Flugelman: Do you know what "nada" means?
Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?
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 Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
 El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A plethora.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
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Tommy Boy
Release Date: 3/31/1995
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Tommy: I l-left a message.
 Richard: A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.
Richard: You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.
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Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.
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 Michelle: Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!!
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Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard: I know, they're called doctors.
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Tommy: Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
Mr. Brady, Customer: What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
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Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
Richard: No, your face does.
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Trading Places
Trapped in Paradise
Release Date: 12/2/1994
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Hattie Anderson: Do you really want to do this?
 Bill Firpo: Do what?
Hattie Anderson: You know rob the bank
 Dave Firpo: Absolutly! We have thought this over and we've made a dession!
Hattie Anderson: But on Christmas Eve, it just doesn't seem right. You're going to ruin the winter fest.
Bill Firpo: The winter fest? I've got a gun and your talking about the winter fest. Well who are you?
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Bill Firpo: What are you doing?
 Alvin Firpo: You do what you do, I do what I do.
Bill Firpo: Well. That enhances my state of security.
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Alvin Firpo: You do what you do and I do what I do... you do what you do and I do what I do, I'm Alvin, and you're Bill.
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Bill Firpo: What are you doing?
Alvin Firpo: I'm eatin' scrapple. It's got scallions
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Alvin Firpo: Hey Dave, can we stop off and get some Ring Dings and milk?
Bill Firpo: Ring Dings and milk? Oh sure. Then well get some balloons and go to the puppet show. What are you, two years old?
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 Caesar Spinoza: Hey Edna, how would you like to ride in the trunk?
 Ma Firpo: Edna? Edna? Are we sleeping together, I think not.
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Dave Firpo: This is your basic yoga, I learned it in prison. It's good for stressful situations like this bank robbery, or if you're ever in prison and you're surrounded by ten men, helps relax you.
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Tremors
Release Date: 1/19/1990
Rated PG-13
ReelLaughs Grade: C
 Valentine McKee: I can't believe we said no to free beer!
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 Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
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Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.
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Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?
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Valentine McKee: You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.
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Valentine McKee: This valley is just one long smorgasbord.
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Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.
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 Burt Gummer: Broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!
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Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
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Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?
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Valentine McKee: So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?
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Earl Bassett: Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!
Valentine McKee: I'm gonna help you.
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Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails! Valentine, you're not even tryin' to think of a plan.
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Valentine McKee: Good luck shithead.
Earl Bassett: Don't worry about me jerkoff.
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Earl Bassett: No breakfast?
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was bologna and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Bologna and beans. It's your turn!
Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.
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Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! F@#$ you!
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.jpg) Walter Chang: Earl. Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets.
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Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?
Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
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Valentine McKee: "We gotta do somethin'." I don't know why "we" always has to be me every damn time. We, we, we. What do I look like, an expert in worm?
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True Lies
Uncle Buck
Waiting
Waterboy, The
Wedding Crashers
Wedding Singer
What About Bob
Willow
Without A Paddle
Wizard, The
Year One
Yes Man
Zack and Miri Make A Porno
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